Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Well, That Was Awkward

This is a story of good intentions coming back to bite me in the butt.

Some time ago, I wrote about Bachelor #513, the guy who literally charmed the pants off of me. We became friends and have proceeded to meet up for drinks, sporting events, and general friend-stuff periodically over the last four years.

Bachelor #513 is a car salesman (hence the charming personality). So, when Bachelor #957 mentioned wanting to buy a new vehicle, I naturally referred him to (my now just buddy) Bachelor #513. I know that Bachelor #513 is a great salesman, but would never push a a vehicle on anyone that he didn't think they wanted. Since Bachelor #957 was new to Minnesota and didn't have many connections here, I thought it would be a good idea to help him out by sending him to Bachelor #513, who would take good care of him. A few weeks later, Bachelor #957 showed up at my house in his new truck. He didn't say much about meeting Bachelor #513, but I assumed it had gone well if he walked away with a new truck.

A week after that, I got this text message from Bachelor #513:

Apparently Bachelor #513 and Bachelor #957 had talked about more than trucks during the sale. Apparently they had both talked about how they knew me and, although neither of them really talked about our respective romantic relationships, they both had somewhat caught onto it.

Since the romantic side of things with Bachelor #513 had ended 4 years ago, I assumed that, if Bachelor #957 figured it out, he would be man enough to deal with it. Again, I was wrong. It's been over a month and I haven't seen Bachelor #957 since then.

The lesson I learned here was to never, under any circumstances, introduce two men with whom you've been romantically involved. All is well that ends well, though. I went out for drinks with Bachelor #513 shortly thereafter (the drinks he owed me for referring him the sale of Bachelor #957's vehicle)...and he charmed the pants off of me again.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Marrying yourself?

The first thing I usually do when I get to work in the morning is to check my various email accounts and to check Facebook. (I know...I'm a great employee -- insert sarcasm here). One Facebook post that really caught my eye this morning was a local news source's posting of a Fargo woman who married herself in a symbolic ceremony. "[The bride] views the secular ceremony as a public pronouncement that she has learned to love and accept herself as she is." In fact, her vows were, "'I, Nadine, promise to enjoy inhabiting my own life and to relish a lifelong love affair with my beautiful self.' She presented herself with a ring and invited all guests to 'blow kisses to the whole world' at the point of the traditional, bride-groom lip-lock."

While I'm certain that I will not be marrying myself and throwing myself a wedding, the concept of having a "you've hit your thirties and you're not married, so you should get a shower anyway" type of shower has definitely crossed my mind. This year alone, I have eight weddings to attend -- EIGHT!!!!!! This means not only wedding gifts, but often engagement party gifts, shower gifts, bachelorette party gifts, etc. And for some of these folks, it's not even their first wedding. So, I probably shelled out for their FIRST nuptials too. So considering all of the time and expense I've spent over the last 10+ years to honor and celebrate my friends and family, shouldn't someone be celebrating and honoring me for the fact that I never married the wrong guy?

Regardless, I do admire the Fargo woman who married herself. I find that, as a single thirty-something gal, it can be really tough to remember that we're really "OK" without a significant other. It can be hard to remember to love ourselves and to love our lives...even when no one else loves us or wants to share our lives with us. So if it took the girl in Fargo throwing herself a wedding to remind herself to love herself, then I think it's great. Because we can all use a little reminder that "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." (Even if no one wants to date me).

Monday, February 13, 2012

Groupie Love Failure

As many of you have gathered, I'm a HUGE sports junkie. I follow sports like many girls follow celebrity gossip or fashion. So when I was asked on a date by the cousin of a former Minnesota Twin (one of my favorites, I might add), I HAD to go.

Bachelor #959 was just a few years older than me, never married, one child, worked full-time and was tight with his family. He followed politics, liked to sing karaoke, and was into sports. Though he grew up in Indiana, he moved to Minnesota when his cousin signed with the Minnesota Twins.

I was excited enough about Bachelor #959 BEFORE I knew of his relationship to a former Twin. But once he acknowledged that he was related to one of my favorite former Twins, I couldn't help but have visions of said former Twin at my wedding someday.

I met Bachelor #959 for lunch on a Saturday afternoon at a hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant. I LOVE finding "diamond in the rough" type restaurants like that. So I was excited by Bachelor #959's choice. The food was good, the conversation was OK. But I felt that Bachelor #959 had enough going for him to give him a date #2.

For Date #2, Bachelor #959 and I went to a Timberwolves v. Bulls basketball game with my season tickets. During the game, Bachelor #959 sang along loudly to the songs played at the stadium, stood up and danced to the songs played at the stadium, and generally drew attention to us (for not-so-good reasons). While I understand wanting to have a good time at the game, "we" were not the entertainment folks had paid to see. The basketball game was the entertainment -- not us. At halftime, Bachelor #959 told me that he needed to go outside to smoke. While a cigarette is certainly not offensive to me, the fact that Bachelor #959 couldn't make it through a 2 1/2 hour sporting event without a cigarette break told me that he was "committed" to smoking. Things did not go particularly well.

But the biggest turn-off from Bachelor #959 was that he came across as desperate. He was sending me text messages and calling me five times a day...before noon. It's nice to get attention and for a guy to show that he likes you. But a guy who wants an insta-relationship (and a co-dependent one at that) after just one or two dates comes across as desperate. I want to know that a guy likes ME, and not just the fact that I'm a woman that showed some interest.

Next time that I decide to be a groupie, I think I will stick to the actual celebrity or athlete. Extending the groupie love to their family members just turns into groupie love failure.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Curse of the JD

To my tens of readers, I apologize for my lack of posts lately. I've been running a circus. Lions and tigers and bears and acrobats and ring masters and bearded ladies and carnies.... Well, that's an exaggeration, but not by much. Lots of lawyers think they're lions and tigers and I found a random hair growing from my neck last week and I think the last guy I went out with looked a little like a carnie. Mostly, I've been busy...with stuff. But am determined to resume my regular posts. So stay tuned....

When I started law school, one of our professors told us that we should prepare to be asked for free legal advice by pretty much everyone we know. And over the last 8+ years, I've learned that my professor was right. It does not matter that people know that their requests are outside of my specialty, they are not afraid to ask for real estate advice, employment law advice, family law advice, and the list goes on.

In fact, in the last week, one suitor asked me to re-write his employment contracts for his employees and another former suitor asked me to review a severance package he was offered. While I am flattered that they trust me and my advice, I think I'm mostly asked for my advice because the price (free) is right.

These days, it takes a lot to surprise me. But during a break in court today, I received the following text message from Bachelor # 418:

He followed this exchange by telling me that I am his lawyer and asking me what I would charge him.

While Bachelor #418 and I have remained distantly friendly since the incident with the bodily fluids, we have not really seen each other much. And based on the events of said bodily fluids incident, I have chosen to avoid any "hey, how's the wife?" sorts of emails when we HAVE spoken to each other. While I don't want to date a married man, I also don't want to be reminded that someone that I DID date was (and still is) married. I have the horrid flashbacks of his naked confession to remind me of that fact.

Obviously, due to conflicts of interest and lawyer ethical blather and the inevitable shit-show of drama that would result from me representing Bachelor #418, I cannot and will not draft his divorce papers.

While the curse of having my JD is that people constantly ask me legal questions, nothing that they taught me in law school prepared me to have a guy ask me to draft his divorce papers after he cheated on his wife by taking me out on several dates, hiding said wife from me until after we got naked and he had "spilled his seed" on my leg.

So does that make my law school professors failures for not preparing me for this situation or does that mean that my dating experiences are so bizarre that they could not have reasonably anticipated that this could happen?

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

It Could Be Worse

My friends have certainly heard me complain about the lack of "good" single men in the Minneapolis area. Hell, I've even written about the difficulties of finding a man who has as much to offer as I do. I wrote about the difficulties of finding a man with the same level of education and how dating dynamics have changed now that many women can no longer "marry up".

But today, I came across this Graphic/ Article called "Where are All the Good Single Black Men?" from a site called "The Daily Infographic."

So, if I am understanding their graphic properly: for every single black woman who wants to date a single heterosexual black man with a high school diploma, a job that pays at least $30k, no children, who hasn't been to jail, and actually wants to date a black woman, the ratio is 100 to 3. ONE HUNDRED WOMEN FOR THREE MEN.

I date outside of my race on a regular basis, and actually refer to myself as an "equal opportunity dater." All other requirements being equal, I'll go with the guy who makes me laugh -- regardless of his skin color. But for those single black ladies out there who want to date within their race, the options are jaw-droppingly limited.

I guess it really COULD be worse....

Monday, December 19, 2011

More Lessons in Online Dating

Be honest about your age.

I'll figure it out sooner than later. Might as well be honest up front. Here are my two favorite examples from prospective suitors who contacted me in the last week via an online dating site.

The first contestant:

He claims to be 36 years old. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

The second contestant:

Ignoring the ridiculous wig or whatever irrational brain fart that made him wear that wig, take a picture of it, post it on the Internet, and use it as his dating profile picture -- there's NO way that this guy is his claimed age of 31.

Who do they think they're fooling?

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Blind Side

Over the last week to 10 days,Bachelor #957 has been making more and more overtures indicating that he wanted our relationship to become a little more "serious." He was talking about going to baseball games together (the season won't start for another 5 months), that I should leave some toiletries at his place, asking about how many kids I wanted, telling me that I'm the "only girl," yada yada yada.

So, when I was offered tickets to this coming Sunday'sMinnesota Vikings game, I shot a text message to Bachelor #957, "Was just offered tickets to Sunday's Vikings game. Want to go?" I thought it would be nice to take him to a game, since he had told me several times that he'd never been to a Vikings game.

His response, "Ok so you know we're cool. But I don't wanna bullshit you about this. But I'm not really ready to go out like that."

Ummm...what?!?!? We've been "going out" for two months. Going out to get drinks. Going out to get dinner. We've also been "staying in" for two months. Staying in to watch movies. Staying in to watch games on TV. So when HE had been initiating "relationship type talks" during the last few times we saw each other, I didn't think that it would be out of line to invite him to a football game!

I simply reminded Bachelor #957 that it was only a game and that he had indicated his desire to go to one. I also encouraged him not to "read too much into it." But what I REALLY wanted to say was, "Fuck your face. This was your idea. It's just a game -- not a marriage proposal."

I don't know whether Bachelor #957 and I will be continuing our relationship. I'm a little pissed off right now. But I know that, if we do continue our relationship, I've got to find better protection for my "blind side."